


another place for us to die

by TeheheHoran



Series: Prompts [2]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: But whatever, Dead Poets Society - Freeform, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, anderperry, cute gay boys, im bad at tagging, neil is like heart eyes 24/7, new boy!Todd, sorry - Freeform, todd is sassy and chill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 01:25:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4328475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeheheHoran/pseuds/TeheheHoran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So they decided to take their fortune and leave Boston, the place Todd had called home for so many years, and move to a sleepy town in Vermont. This way they could be more in touch with the nature they would never visit as they huddled around a fire in their marble fireplace, in their three story house. But there was a bump in the road of this plan to live a grand retired life of wasting money, Todd. The son they had but didn't want and didn't think about. And this is how Todd ended up shoved into a back room on the third floor, looking out at the mountains that covered the horizon of his new world.</p><p>or the one where Todd is really new and Neil is really interesting</p>
            </blockquote>





	another place for us to die

**Author's Note:**

> prompt from danielthenottoog8 on tumblr: Anderperry au where it's current time and Todd is the new, shy boy in high school who lives down the road from Neil, who's group invites Todd into their circle and break Todd out of his shell. And most nights, Neil sneaks out of his house and jogs down the street to stay with Todd for the night by climbing through his window after throwing pebbles for a few minutes. They also share their first kiss one night after a bit of wrestling around and looking into each other's eyes?  
> i had lots of fun writing this though the ending is crap, sorry. unedited bc i'm awful. 
> 
> title from autumn leaves by ed sheeran

You know that terrible sinking feeling in the pit of your heart? Like your organs are just going to be on the floor at any given time? Well that's how Todd feels right now, how he's been feeling for a few weeks, actually. This is because his world is changing around him. Because the world outside his window is not longer the city streets and bright lights, its trees and mountains and colder days. Because he can't be an unknown face in the streets, passing strangers he will never see again. Now he steps out into the frigid air of a quiet street and people wonder who he is. Todd's feeling this way because he moved.

When Todd's parents decided they needed a change they never thought to consult their son first. Why would they? Jeff, the son they really cared about, wasn't effected by this change, he was at college. So they decided to take their fortune and leave Boston, the place Todd had called home for so many years, and move to a sleepy town in Vermont. This way they could be more in touch with the nature they would never visit as they huddled around a fire in their marble fireplace, in their three story house. But there was a bump in the road of this plan to live a grand retired life of wasting money, Todd. The son they had but didn't want and didn't think about. So this is how Todd ended up shoved into a back room on the third floor, looking out at the mountains that covered the horizon of his new world.

Back to the present, Todd is looking at the room full of boxes and an empty bed frame, wishing he was anywhere but here. It's cold up here, the insulation is old and the walls are thin. His parents claimed the whole second floor to themselves, plan on making it into the dream bath, bedroom, closet, and library they have always wanted. The first floor is mainly the kitchen and parlor, with the laundry room and a half bath at the back of the house. So Todd was given the third floor, which ended up being mostly attic. There's a nice bathroom and a guest bedroom. Then his room, slightly bigger than the bathroom but not quite as large as the guest room.

"Isn't it nice? A whole 224 square feet all to yourself!" His father exclaimed as he set down the last box. When they left Todd measured, it was only 120.

Todd sighed and looked at the boxes that littered his floor, he had to start somewhere. He walked over to one marked 'bedding' and began to unpack. In it he found all his sheets and his pillow, he set them off to the side for later, when he would get his mattress from the garage and somehow lug is up the stairs on his own. Next was his dismantled dresser. He got to work pulling out pieces and putting in screws, by the time the sun set he had put it back together and pushed in into a corner. He then began to put his folded clothes into the drawers and place miscellaneous knick-knacks on the top. Once he was done with that he decided his mattress was the next priority. He made his way down the stairs to find the house empty. This didn't surprise Todd, his parents most likely went into town to eat and have a good time.

He made his way out to the garage and immediately spotted his mattress. As he walked over to it he heard the distant ticking of a bike. He ignored it for the time being and started to drag his mattress across the dirty concrete floor. By the time he had made it back to the door the ticking was louder, but not quite as fast, still choosing to ignore it Todd opened the door and started to pull the mattress up the steps an into the house. He had about half of the mattress in the house when it got stuck, as he tried to peer out and see what stopped it he was startled by a voice.

"You need help with that?" Said a stranger. Todd snapped his head over to the shadow in his garage.

"Uhh, who are you?" Todd asked nervously, looking around for a weapon but did not find one. All that was keeping him safe now was his stupid mattress. The shadow steeped closer and the light from inside the house illuminated the person's face.

"Pardon me, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm Neil Perry, I live down the street." The person introduced themselves. In the lighting they were in Todd figured Neil probably couldn't see much so he reached over to the wall and turned on the garage light.

"Uh hi, I'm Todd." Todd responded reaching out to shake hands before he pulled his back quickly, realizing Neil couldn't reach him.

"Well Todd, do you need any help?" Neil asked politely, gesturing to the mattress blocking the doorway.

"Yes that would be very nice." Todd responded, shifting the mattress a bit. Neil nodded and reached down to pick up the other end. Todd asked if Neil was ready and the boy responded that yes, he was and then Todd began to back up. They made it through the first floor just fine but the stairs caused a bit of a problem.

"Step." Todd said, waiting for Neil to come up a bit.

"Where?" Neil asked, slightly exasperated.

"What do you mean where?" Todd asked quietly, peering around the mattress to see a slightly annoyed Neil.

"I mean I can't step anywhere yet. Go up another." Neil replied, shifting the mattress in his arms. Todd did as he was told and went up another step.

"Good?" Todd asked once he was sure he wouldn't fall.

"Yeah." The other responded going up a step and they repeated the pattern, taking it one step at a time. They were almost to the second landing when suddenly Todd felt his footing go off just as Neil was going up a step. It was too late to tell him to stop before Todd yelped and fell, mattress dropping on top of him.

"Shit! Todd, are you ok?" Neil worried, looking around the thing that got them into this mess in the first place. Todd was staring up at the ceiling, trying to calm down after having the wind knocked out of him.

"Y-yeah I'm fine, just give me a sec'." Todd replied, taking a deep breath and wiggling out from under the heavy thing on his chest. Neil slowly set down his end of the mattress and looked at Todd with concern.

"Maybe we should take a break?" Neil joked as Todd squeezed down the stairs to meet Neil and leaned against the wall.

"As much as I'd love too I need this in my room and you out of my house before parents come home." Todd told him, making eye contact for the first time and feeling like the wind was knocked out of him a second time. He hadn't gotten a good look at the boy earlier but he was now. Sharp jaw line and nice bushy eyebrows, but most of all his eyes. So dark and kind, like they could see into your soul and tear you apart without a single word. Todd swallowed and looked away quickly, back at the mattress that blocked his escape.

"What if we pushed it?" Neil said after a few moments of silence.

"Huh?" Todd asked, looking back at Neil.

"What if we pushed the mattress up the stairs?" Neil repeated, kicking said object.

"That," said Todd, "might work."

* * *

 

Today is Todd's first day at school. It's been a week since his encounter with Neil and the boy has managed to slip Todd's mind with all the stress of being the new kid. That sinking feeling is back with full force as he looks around the office of the school building. He's just been handed his schedule and left to figure out where on earth he's going. Sighing he looks down at the school map he was also given and tries to figure out what G93 might be and where it is. This is going to be a long day.

* * *

 

As it turns out everyone here is extremely smart, which is fine and dandy because Todd is too, but teachers expect verbal answers and since Todd is the new kid they choose to test what he knows and where he is on the standard of each subject. This is where the problem arises, at his old school he could sit in the back of the class and blissfully be ignored, never having to deal with his social anxiety. But here he's confronted with that every moment of the day.

"Mr. Anderson? I asked you a question." Says a teacher that he hasn't bothered to learn the name of yet. _'And I'm not going to answer.'_ Todd thinks and he looks straight into the teachers eyes, hoping to get his message across. He can feel his throat tighten and face turn red as his classmates turn to stare at him. The tears start to rise in his eyes and he feels like dying, he will not cry, not here. _'Don't you dare cry you idiot. Don't you dare.'_   He's yelling at himself, urging himself to swallow down his tears, making his throat hurt even more. Thankfully the teacher seems to sense his distress and dismisses him with the wave of a hand. "Alright, just see me after class." Todd thanks the god above and spends the rest of class calming down.[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dMFqFX1sVc)

After this episode Todd spends his lunch in the library, he managed to sneak in an apple and is now trying to eat it quietly at the back table while he goes over the school work he's gotten so far. He's trying so hard to be invisible that he doesn't hear the heavy doors bang close or the careless greeting of, "good afternoon Jenny." He doesn't even hear the foot steps and laughter come his way until it's too late.

"Oh look, we've been replaced." Says a cocky voice and Todd tenses up, looking away from his papers to see an group of six boys. Todd opens his mouth to apologize even though he knows nothing will come out. Luckily, or not so much, a voice interrupts him.

"Todd?" Todd looks for the source of the voice and his eyes land on a familiar form.

"N-neil." Todd stutters out, eyes widening. The other laughs, eyes crinkling at the ends and he walks up the table and slides into the chair next to the light haired boy.

"How's that mattress doing ya?" Neil laughs, nudging Todd's shoulder.

"Whoa! You got into the new boy's bed already? Man Neil you work fast." Says the boys who spoke the first time. Todd feels his face turn hot and red.

"Hey! Shut up Charlie." Neil snaps, glaring at the boy who in response raises his arms in surrender. "Boys, this is Todd, Todd these are my friends." Neil says and the rest take this as their cue to sit at the table and introduce themselves. Todd tries to remember names but he has a feeling he'll forget them in the next two seconds.

"So how do you two know each other?" Asks a boy who Todd thinks is named Knox.

"Todd just moved in down the street from me." Neil supplies, smiling at the aforementioned boy. Todd smiles back and looks down at his papers again.

"Ok but what's this mattress business I was hearing about?" Charlie asks, clearly interested.

"Oh well I stopped by to introduce myself and what not and saw Todd trying to move his mattress into the house by his self so I thought I'd help him out. Half and hour and three flights of steps later my job was done and we said our good byes." Neil responded again, picking up on the fact that Todd didn't care to speak. The boys hummed in response before they moved on to a different topic. Todd had a different feeling in his heart now, like something was going to go right for a change. 

* * *

 

Todd staring at the sky and his knees are bleeding, and at the moment he can't figure out why. Then Neil is right in his face and Todd has to blink a few times to focus on his face. 

"You ok Todd?" He's asking, brushing hair out of Todd's face as desperate eyes wait for an answer. 

"Yeah? I think so, can I sit up?" Todd responds calmly, rising up when Neil backs away. Then he remembers why he's in the situation he's in. The lot were hanging out at Neil's house when Charlie suggested that they go skating, the rest of the boys agreed but Todd had to admit that he didn't know how to skate. Neil said he could teach his so he agreed. He was doing pretty well too, a natural Pitts said, until now. 

He honestly doesn't know what happened, maybe he was going to fast or maybe it was a rock in the wheel. But he does know that Neil was laughing at something he said, head thrown back and the sun was shining is his hair, making is a shade lighter and Todd's heart did the flippy over thingy as they flew down the street. Then he was flying off the board, face kissing the pavement even if his knees took most of the blow, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that when he was looking at Neil he think he fell in love. 

* * *

 

The first night it happens Todd didn't realize it would become a regular thing, but it is now. He was staring at the ceiling, trying to will away the cold of late October when the first pebble hit the window. He jumped so much he thought he'd fall out of the bed. He willfully ignored it, hopping it was a poor, confused bat that flew into the window. But after five more minutes of constant tapping in the window he rolled out bed. This was one stupid bat. But there was nothing outside his window, at least not immediately. So Todd opened it up and peered down at the ground, looking for clues. What he saw scared him so much he tried to scramble back into his room but failed after banging his head on the window sill. Both he and the figure on the ground hissed, he in pain and the shadow in sympathy. 

"I seem to ask you this a lot but are you ok?" Said the person in a light voice.

"Neil? What the hell are you doing here?" Todd asked amazed as he recognized the voice. 

"I can't sleep, can I come up?" Neil sounded like what Todd imagines a kicked puppy would if they could speak so of course he agrees.

"Umm sure, but how are you going to get up here?" Todd asked identifying a big problem, he was almost 30 feet up and Neil wasn't  _that_  tall.

"The tree, duh." Neil responded easily, looking at the sturdy white pine that grew next to Todd's window. And that's exactly what Neil did, he disappeared into the branches and two minutes later his head popped out near the top, smiling. Todd helped him in the rest of the way and the two boys stood there at a close proximity, staring at each other. Neil tore his gaze away first and began to walk across the floor, at the same time Todd walked back to the window and shut it, as to not let in the cold air. "They don't give you much room up here, eh?" Neil commented, looking around at the stuffed room.

"Oh uh no, it's 75 square feet. The size of a prison cell." Todd deadpanned, he was still annoyed at the fact he got the storage closet of the house, shows how much his parents care. Neil winced in spite of him and turned around quickly. 

"Well at least you won't loose anything in here." Neil tried to joke to lighten the air.

"Yeah, because I can't get anything in here, not enough space." Todd replied bitterly. Neil's face dropped and he sighed. Todd sensed that he made it hard for Neil to keep his positive attitude. "Sorry." He whispered. Neil opened his mouth to speak but shut it as he shook his head. After a moment of awkward eye contact Neil opened his arms in invitation. Todd shuffled over and let himself be wrapped up in loving arms, and so they stayed. Two boys falling in love and holding on tight in fear of what was to come. 

* * *

 

It became a constant after that, almost every night Neil would come and throw pebbles at 12 and Todd would open the window waiting for Neil to fall onto the floor after going head first thorough the window. The two would laugh and talk before crawling into Todd's bed, snuggling up close to fight away the dropping temperatures, and fall asleep. So when the sun began to rise Neil would say his goodbyes and slip away, out the window with all the moments they shared in the night, only to be seen a few hours later in school. The two sharing looks that held the secrets only the moon would know. 

With these glances they felt themselves falling more in love, but they would never admit it. Not to each other, their friends and definitely not to themselves. But that was ok because everyone knew and never said a word, they had a feeling there was something around these two that connected them, a secret no one would ever know. That there was something about them that resembled true beauty, not to be tampered with. So everyone let them be, and they pretended that nothing happened in the night, like it didn't exist but they both knew, they would be together when the sun disappeared and the stars shone out. There would be two silhouettes against the black sky, moon on pale skin. Hot breathes exchanged with deep words and body heat as they held each other close.

But tonight was different, because it was colder than usual and the stars were brighter than ever before. Todd didn't shut the window because he was beginning to enjoy the sound of the crickets and wind blown trees, so it felt more real tonight, with clear skies and true hearts. In fact is was so cold in the room that when Neil laughed Todd could see his breath. So they were talking, white clouds exiting their mouths and floating away, dissolving into the night sky like their words.  

"It's beautiful, isn't it? The endlessness of the world?" Neil asked quietly, staring out the window and into the void of the night sky. Todd didn't know what to say because he was still mulling it over in his head, thinking of all the ways the world was endless, like how the way Walt Whitman saw grass in  _"Song of Myself"_ or the way Neil saw the night. He was quiet, trying to think of an appropriate response and didn't realized Neil had moved onto a different topic until he spoke again. "What if I don't get into college?" He asked, sounding a bit scared. Todd thought that was the stupidest statement to ever leave Neil's mouth, so he scoffed and rolled his eyes. Neil took offence to this. "What? What was that about?" He questioned indignantly, Todd sighed before answering.

"That's the dumbest thing you have ever said, and you've said a lot of dumb things. Of course you'll get into college. And if by some small chance you don't, who cares." Todd responded, gesturing around to make a point. Neil opened his mouth to speak but Todd held up a pointing finger to stop him. "Don't say you do because we all know you don't." Now it was Neil's turn to sigh.

"You're right, I don't, but my father does." Neil tried to reason, Todd wanted to reach over and shake some sense into him.

"So what? This isn't the 50's, you do what  _you_ want with your life because it's yours. It's not your job to let you dad live vicariously through you." Todd declared strongly. They both were quiet after that, not looking at each other but rather at the sky as clouds drifted into view. There was a slight tension in the air and Todd could practically hear Neil thinking about what he had just said.

"So what about you?" Neil's voice was strong and curious, so much so that Todd got a little scared. 

"W-what do you mean?" Todd stuttered, turning to look at Neil with darting eyes. 

"What about you, do you think you'll get into college?" Neil repeated, staring with a serious face. Todd blew out air in a 'phffff' noise like what Neil said way non-sense, turning his head away.

"I don't know? But does it really matter?" Todd philosophized, thinking about it himself. You could do a lot of things and not go to college. Travel the world, get married, have kids, stare at the stars, drink coffee on a cool morning, dance, laugh, cry. If you could do all these things, these little things that were at the same time the best things, who cared if you went to college? Neil smiled at this, the look on his face like he had discovered the secrets to the world. 

"I guess not." He said happily, giving Todd a playful shove. Todd let out a little laugh and shoved him back, soon enough they were pushing each other back and forth, seeing who would fall over first. Todd gave a particularly hard shove that sent Neil toppling over. Todd laughed at Neil as the boy pouted and sat back up before narrowing his bushy eyebrows. "I'll get you for that one." He vowed, and indeed he did, because as soon as the words left his mouth me lunged forward, taking Todd down in one swift movement. Todd grunted as he hit the ground, Neil on top of him as peered down happily. Todd make a displease face before coming to the conclusion that he was in this position too much, having Neil over him, always in his space with his beautiful eyes and elfish ears. 

"Get off me you foot-licker." Todd scoffed, trying to push Neil off but the older boy just threw his head back in laughter, eyes crinkling in joy. 

"Did you just use a Shakespearean insult on me?" Neil asked smugly, a gleeful smirk on his face. 

"Yes, now get off me." Todd commanded in a light growl, he then bucked his hips up to try and throw the other boy off. This make Neil's eyes widen and also threw off his concentration so Todd used this time to flip them over so he was leaning over Neil. 

"Hey!" Neil yelped realizing he been tricked and started thrashing around. 

"You know I quite like this position, it's a good change don't you think?" Todd asked in a low voice, smirking a bit. Neil swallowed before responding. 

"Well I'm certainly not apposed to it." He disclosed, voice shaking a bit as he struggled to escape. Todd hummed in response before relaxing a little, of course this resulted in getting flung off Neil and landing on the floor beside him. 

"Why I outta." Todd joked lightly, but he didn't, and neither did Neil. They just laid there, staring at Todd's slopping ceiling. It was quite so Todd closed his eyes, let the the breeze blow through the window and envelop his body in cold. After a while of silence Todd could feel himself drifting off when Neil broke him away from sleep. 

"We could get married." He revealed. 

"We could." Todd responded, eyes still closed. "We could find someone and get married to them, this is a possibility. 

"No I mean like  _we_ could get married." Neil elaborated, sitting up.

"Oh." Todd uttered, eyes opening to find Neil staring at him. He sat up as well and stared back at the boy. "I suppose we could, yes." Todd said louder this time, Neil hummed and looked right into Todd's eyes. A familiar feeling bubbled in Todd's chest, the same feeling he had when he first met the boy before him. Todd couldn't look away this time, he was too entranced with the thoughts swirling in Neil's eyes that he couldn't identify. The way Neil was looking at his only confirmed what he though on that first day. The way Neil was looking at him, Todd could feel his piercing gaze in his heart, like he wasn't even looking at Todd but instead _inside_  him. 

They stared at each other for a long time, the air tense and no words leaving their lips. Todd could feel Neil practically tearing him apart, his heart was beating like crazy and yet he wasn't concerned at all. The only thing he was worried about was Neil seeing how completely and totally in love with him he was. Neil was tearing his soul apart and he wasn't saying a single word. 

"Can I kiss you?" Neil finally said, his words breaking the air and hitting Todd hard in the chest. Todd let out a breath he didn't know he was holing and his heart stuttered in this chest, he thought it was going to crawl up his throat and fall out of his mouth, right onto the carpet. But thankfully it didn't because that would be very tragic and scar Neil for life. Neil's question still hung in the air between them, waiting for an answer but Todd was gaping like a fish, unsure of what to say. 

"Uhh." He answered unintelligently. Neil laughed in response and Todd wasn't sure why but he didn't have time to think about it because, ok wow, Neil's lips were on his. He let out a surprised sound at this new found information, so of course Neil laughed, smiling now, lips still on Todd's. Todd wasn't sure how to feel about it but he wasn't complaining, that's for sure. They weren't really kissing, Neil was kinda just pressing his lips onto Todd's who wasn't responding, which was ok because he really couldn't with the position Neil had him in. After a few more moments of awkward not-really-kissing Neil pulled away, again staring into Todd's eyes.

"Stop doing that!" Todd shouted, covering his eyes with his hands. Neil laughed because when did Neil  _not_  laugh? Neil reached up and slowly pulled away his hands, looking, this time, at Todd's lips. 

"We should do that again." The brunette declared giddily, and so they did, Todd responding better to it this time. Todd felt his heart fluttering and decided he really, really liked that feeling. Their lips moved against each other's slowly but lovingly until Neil poked his tongue against Todd's bottom lip. Now it was Todd's turn to laugh, he pulled away before he started cackling. "What?" Neil asked shocked, eyes wide, Todd took one look at his face and started laughing even harder. "What?" Neil asked desperately this time, reaching out to touch Todd. Instead Todd rolled out of the way, not letting Neil catch him as he continued to laugh. 

"No!" He shouted in between laughs as Neil reached out for him one more time, pouting this time. 

"Why are you laughing? Stop laughing at me!" Neil demanded, crossing his arms like a young child. Todd finally stopped laughing and let out a big breath, giggling a little before stopping completely.

"You don't think that's funny?" Todd asked incredulously.

"No? What was so funny?" Neil protested, still feeling a bit offended for being laughed at. 

"It's so weird! You like, licked my lip so we could make out. Isn't that the littlest bit funny to you?" Todd explained to him, smiling a little. Neil thought it over before laughing a bit himself. 

"Yeah I guess, now come here, I want to kiss you some more." Neil responded, opening his arms and Todd crawled over and into his lap. Neil let his arms snake around the shorter boy's waist and push their foreheads together. "I love you." He whispered, quiet enough for Todd to hear it and not loud enough to get past their lips, quite enough that the world outside of them would never hear it, it was only for Todd.

"I love you." Todd whispered back, draping his arms around Neil's shoulders and connected their lips. They kissed lazily, just enjoying the feeling of each other in their arms, holding on tight even tough they both knew the other would never let go. So the two of them kissed until their lips were red and swollen, always pausing to look into each other's eyes and smile in the way lovers do. After a while they got tired, so they left their embrace but their hearts were forever entwined. Todd shut the window, drew the curtains and crawled into bed with the boy he loved. And as he drifted off for the second time that night he knew, they would always have the night, but now they would have the day too. 


End file.
